“White Male ‘Super-hero'” (An Anti-hero Parody)

Dudes have this thing where they get higher but just never better

Promoted on mediocrity

While their vainglory works the old-boy’s club, all of the people

they’ve shafted shine their resumes

They should not be left to their own devices

They come with prices and vices

We end up in crisis (of the HR kind)

Staff end up screaming and grieving

There’s no end to their leaving

 ‘Cause they got tired of that scheming

(and misogyny)

It’s you, hi, you’re the problem, it’s you

On Teams Chat, everybody agrees

You’ll throw your staff under the bus without a hesitation

It must be refreshing, always thinking you’ve got all the answers

Sometimes we feel like everybody must be going crazy

Can these guys really be that thick?

Too sure to listen, swiftly fucking up your major project

Credit goes to them, but never you

Did you hear their blatant narcissism gets taken for magnetism

By some other old white men? (Tale as old as time)

Staff end up screaming and grieving

They all wish they were leaving

And work has lost all its meaning

(This place sucks balls)

It’s you, hi, you’re the problem, it’s you

On Teams Chat, everybody agrees

You’ll throw your staff under the bus without a hesitation

It must be refreshing always thinking you’ve got all the answers

They make up stories about why all their best staff are bailing

It’s always us and never them

The workforce gathers ‘round and gossips, and then someone screams out

“They’ve made our lives a living hell”

It’s you, hi, you’re the problem, it’s you

It’s you, hi, you’re the problem, it’s you

It’s you, hi, everybody agrees, everybody agrees

It’s you, hi (hi), you’re the problem, it’s you (You’re the problem, for sure!)

On Teams (Teams) Chat (Chat) everybody agrees (everybody agrees)

You’ve got the self-awareness of a fucking mashed potato

It must be refreshing, you fucking useless white male “super-hero”

New Short Fiction and Reprints!

My newest weird horror short story, O.A.G.F, is appearing in the February Issue of Cosmic Horror Monthly. If you like bizarre horror with a decidedly Canadian twist, this one’s for you. Set in Ottawa, this one will feel just like (creepy) home for all of my local fans.

My gothic horror short story Bells is also making an appearance this month, as a reprint in The Maul Magazine. Check it out in print, or listen along on their Patreon.

2022 Photo Project

Every year, Little Person (I know, I know…not so little any more) and I do a mother-daughter photo project. It’s a collaborative effort; we design together, she does the modelling, and I do photography and edits. Our theme is always something supernatural, and past projects have includes ghosts, faeries, and mythological monsters.

For our 2022 project, we decided to deep-dive into the spirit of the season. Literally.

Presenting our take on The spirit of Autumn.

  • Dress by TAV Creations (https://tav-creations.com/)
  • Blouse, horns, and headscarf were Value Village finds
  • Flowers were made by cutting the stems off artificial flowers from Michael’s and adding hair clips
  • Make-up, such as it is, by me!

2022 Eligibility Post

It’s that time of year again! Autumn brings us all sorts of little joys: fall colors, cool weather (such a relief after our sauna of a summer), horror movies (okay, more horror movies), and of course, eligibility posts. Apparently, it’s customary for speculative fiction writers do a little announcement about the work they’ve published in the past year that’s eligible for the various speculative fiction/horror awards, and who am I to argue with a good idea?

If any of my published short stories from the past year made you smile or cry or shiver in the dark, please feel free to nominate for the Bram Stoker Award, Best Horror of the Year, or any other awards that strike your fancy!

Eligible Works:

“Fins” Published in Cosmic Horror Monthly Magazine Issue # 25 (July 2022). Fins pairs the deadly, real-life condition of hyponatremia with a bizzaro twist in a no-punches-pulled story about regrets, dissolution, death…and sharks…in canyon country.

“Blood, Ashes, Wine” Published in Frost Zone Zine Issue # 6 (March 2022). In this atmospheric dark-fantasy tale, a bereaved vintner plots long revenge on the men who overthrew her city.

“Low Tide” Published in Cosmic Horror Monthly Magazine Issue # 20 (Feb 2022). A soft, surreal modern-gothic about loneliness, dementia, and a set of stairs that don’t always go where they should.

The Deets:

“Low Tide” and “Fins” are available in paperback format through the Cosmic Horror Monthly website: https://www.cosmichorrormonthly.com/store/issue-20/ and https://www.cosmichorrormonthly.com/store/issue. Please contact me via this blog if you are a reviewer/nominator and would like to request a copy.

“Blood, Ashes, Wine” can be accessed at no cost on the Frost Zone website: https://frostzonezine.com/

Graphic Novel Round-up, Horror-Style.

Things have been nothing if not hectic, lately. Writing, day job, all the other little things needed to keep a household running…and for the past few weeks, it’s all been compounded and complicated by an unplanned but necessary kitchen reno. That’s a story in and of itself, but the too-long-didn’t-read version is this is what happens when your stove dies, you try to replace it, and you discover the entire thing (stove, gas pipes etc. ) was an illegal after-market installation by the previous owners that your home inspector failed to catch. Grrr.

Needless to say, I’ve been low on energy. REALLY LOW. But I still want to read. What’s a horror-loving girl to do?

Graphic novels, that’s what.

So, without further ado, here (in no particular order) are some of my favorite horror and horror-adjacent graphic novels.

Great art, dry humor…what else could you want?
Dark Horse did a whole set of these: Hauntings, Witchcraft, The Dead, and Monsters, and they are all fantastic. The Book of Hauntings contains one of the best slow-burn, disturbing, stick-with-you-forever horror stories I’ve ever read.
I love the book, but sometimes you just want the graphic novel version.
This one feels more like a guilty pleasure. True crime, graphic novel style.
This series is MG/YA, but works for adults too. Hits a lot harder than you’d expect. One of my all-time favorites.
We’ve watched the Netflix Series. We’ve watched the cancelled Fox Pilot. We’ve tried to find the cancelled Hulu Pilot with no luck (so far). All we can say is…read the graphic novels.

My Writing Process and a New Short Story Publication!

My latest short story Fins is now available in the July 2022 Issue of Cosmic Horror Monthly.

Check out the AMAZING cover art by Jakub Jagoda!

Every writer has their own process, and Fins is a perfect example of mine. I’m not a plotter. I’m not a panster either. If pressed, I guess I’d say I fall somewhere in the middle, but that’s not really it either. My favorite approach to writing anything, from a short story to a full novel, is to figure out the broad-strokes emotional beats I want to hit (where do we start, how do we change, where do we end), find the voice, and then sit back and let the characters do the driving.

Fins came out of a writing prompt in my critique group, the aptly named “Blood-soaked Doodleslaves”. We were all challenged to write a story inspired by two random words, in this case “Shark” and “Reckless”. I’d just finished re-reading Over the Edge: Death in the Grand Canyon by Thomas M. Myers and Michael P. Ghiglieri (PS – if you’re a fan of survival horror, disaster movies, and risk analysis (which, of course, I am) this is the book for you!) and the weird idea for Fins was born.

As always, I started writing long before I knew everything about the story. I knew where I wanted to set it, the mechanism behind the horror, and how I wanted it to end…but everything else was nebulous. And that was okay, becasue I also knew who was doing the talking.

For Fins, I decided on an MC who was, for lack of a better work, a complete asshole. Having established very little else about him, I dove head-first into that voice (woohoo for toxic masculinity) and started writing. As the MC navigated the (admittedly horrible) situation into which I’d thrown him, he told me about himself — his family, his friends, his history — and revealed a depth I’d never planned but totally embraced.

Of course, being a “voicer” means having to go back and connect the dots in later drafts, but I don’t mind at all. Learning about my characters and watching them come to life organically as I work is one of the incomparable joys of writing.

Some random (and belated) thoughts on The Witcher

We’re behind on shows. Like, really behind. By the time we get around to watching *the thing everyone’s been talking about* for the last who knows how many years, not only is the buzz dead, it’s been buried, resurrected, buried again, and left to moulder away in obscurity. Put it this way — we still haven’t finished The Walking Dead, although that probably has more to do with comic vs. show angst. And the fact our daughter can’t stand how “stupid everyone is, all the time” (her words, not mine). We haven’t finished Grimm yet either, or Orphan Black, or Penny Dreadful.

When it comes down to it, we’re bad at watching TV. In retrospect, the fact that we’re only 3 years late on The Witcher is actually pretty impressive. Woohoo! Go us!

We’re 1.5 seasons in, and we’re enjoying it (so far). It’s exactly the kind of quick-paced, plot and character-driven fantasy we all needed. In fact, it’s delivering the same kind of not-much-brain-required comfort as our go-to stress-watch: the baking show.

But I have thoughts, and in no particular order, here they are:

Thought # 1: Geralt is attractive. No, I’m serious. This is a thing, because I don’t usually find BIG AND BUFF appealing, and I don’t find Henry Cavill attractive in his other roles. I gravitate towards androgynous looks and sharp features. Loki over Thor, any day. Little Person and I were discussing this, and we came to the conclusion that he’s attractive because he’s gentle and expressive, albeit in a mostly non-verbal way.

The long hair doesn’t hurt either…

Thought #2: Predictable is comfortable. This show doesn’t surprise me, and that’s okay. What I need from my entertainment right now is comfort and fun, and by giving us a dark fantasy romp that has yet leave me guessing, The Witcher is delivering on both accounts.

Guessed this very early. Little Person’s response was “You’re probably right, and I hate you”.

Thought #3: Yennefer is 100lbs of tropes in a 10lb sack. What do I mean by that? Well, here are some examples:

  • She couldn’t be really powerful until she became beautiful.
  • She couldn’t be really powerful until she became inhuman.
  • She gave up her fertility for power.
  • Despite willingly trading her fertility for power and beauty, she feels unfulfilled and yearns to be a mother….

See where I’m going with this?

Yennefer of Vengerberg

All of these tropes are common in fantasy portrayals of women (I wrote an essay on this topic in university) and are often used as a stand-in for actual character development. (Oh oh…let’s make it so she has to give up something for her power! What would matter most to her? Well, she’s a girl, so…her womb? And then…get this…she wants to have a baby! So tragic!) I mean, really…it’s 2022. What kind of gender-essentialist bullshit is this? Yennefer comes across as a men-writing-women attempt to create a complex female character, and ends up being reductionist as hell. This is my main complaint about a show that I’m otherwise enjoying, and it’s very much a personal opinion.

Thought # 4: So many cool monsters!

The Roachhound
The Leshy
And whatever the heck this thing was! So cool!

New Short Story Publications!

Seasonal Affective Disorder is a thing (or, you know…maybe it’s the state of the world) but nothing brings me joy like getting to announce I have two new short stories out! Woot! Woot!

As always, it’s an honour to have my work featured in these great magazines. I’m looking forward to burying myself in a mountain of fuzzy blankets and reading both, cover-to-cover.

My story “Low Tide” is a creepy spin on the traditional haunted house trope.
Check out my story “Blood, Ashes, Wine” for a satisfying Dark Fantasy tale.